![]() ![]() Remind yourself that when your husband slips, it’s not because he doesn’t care. Use your cue, and, if necessary, talk to him later in private. Let’s suppose you see him take a giant bite out of a pork chop, argue a point while balancing a meatball on his tongue, or pick his back molars with his index finger. It’s inevitable your husband will slip, and exhibit his bad table manners. For example, you might use a question like, “What was the high point of your day?”Īctually Remind Him. Ask your husband whether it’s okay to remind him when you see him slip, and together develop a cue that won’t be embarrassing. Even when we want to change, we fail to notice when we slip into our old ways. We’ve practiced them so often that they’ve become a part of our automatic pilot. Our eating habits are both personal and tough to change. If he is on board about the the broad issue, you can then ask for permission to remind him. Every father has a right to know when he’s spoiling a relationship with one of his children. ![]() But also, don’t keep your daughter’s concerns a secret from your husband. Make sure you aren’t hiding behind your daughter-that you present this issue as your concern. For example, “I would like you to slow down when you eat and help all of us take advantage of the time we have together.”Ĭheck with your daughter before you bring her into this discussion. Listen to his perspective, but don’t lose track of the issue you want to address.īe ready to respond and reinforce the behavior you want to change. Are you aware of how fast you eat?” Again, give your husband time to respond. I’d like us to spend more time together over meals, and to include more conversation. For example, “I have noticed that you eat very fast, making dinner time feel more like a race than a time to be together. You want to create safety so he won’t feel attacked.īe ready to present your issue. Is it okay if I share some specifics that I think would help?” Give your husband a chance to respond here. Here is an example: “I’d like to see if we can use our family dinners to connect more as a family, especially with our daughter. Avoid inflammatory language, e.g., “You eat like a hungry animal.” Start by explaining your positive intentions, and then describe what you expect and the behaviors you are observing. Are there ways to make family dinners more convenient and pleasurable?ĭescribe the Gap. Or maybe the current dinner conversations are less about communication and connection than about tasks and assignments. Maybe he is rushing to get to an activity. In addition, your husband may have other goals that are thwarted by a slow dinner. What purpose does your husband share for making the change? What goal does your husband have that his eating habits are impeding or thwarting? For example, many couples see family meals as opportunities to communicate and connect. Before the discussion, consider your mutual purpose. Somehow you need your husband to take responsibility for making the change.įind Mutual Purpose. And third, because your husband will need reminders, you run the risk of coming across as a nag. Second, you’re dealing with an entrenched habit that will take some time and attention to change. That’s not your goal, and it would provoke defensiveness. First, you don’t want your husband to feel attacked or disrespected. I see three challenges in this conversation. After all, it’s not like I’m spilling food on the floor or eating with my hands. And I don’t always react well to being reminded about my table manners. I can be guilty of poor table manners-eating too quickly, taking large mouthfuls, and talking while I chew. I read your question at the end of my workday, so it was on my mind when I sat down to dinner with my wife. I have done my best to ignore his behavior over the years, but my teenage daughter is upset by it and I think his manners are getting worse. My husband’s table manners are not good-he eats like a hungry animal and spoils the dining experience. ![]() I am having problems at family mealtimes. ![]()
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